Commentary on long distance moving
Nice article written by Kim Shuskey.
My family and I were planning a move from North Carolina to Sunny California! All was exciting and scary at the same time. We did not know where we were going to live. We knew the city as it was located near the location of my husbands company that he was transferring with, but we had to find the apartment. This was also not a company sponsored move. It was just a move. So, all the bills for this move were our responsibility. Our finances did not allow for us to hire movers, therefore we did all of the work ourselves.
For months, we planned, budgeted, gathered boxes and did everything that we felt we needed to do. We procured the apartment, that we found online and rented it sight unseen. I know, that sounds just crazy. We did not go with the first apartment that came along. In fact we settled on a place only a week and a half before the move. This was probably the most stressful thing of the whole move. Or at least it felt like it at the time. You see, we spent many a sleepless night searching the internet for the perfect apartment. During breaks at work, I would call places and gather information. We felt like it was a total leap of faith when we finally settled on something. It was scary and I often questioned our sanity.
It took a month to organize our household and pack the boxes as we were both working full-time jobs. We stacked all of the boxes in the dining room. There were several piles of boxes stacked up to the ceiling. I then reserved the truck, called the utility companies in California to get that all set up and faxed the necessary paperwork and sent the necessary checks to their designated locations. All seemed to be going fine. We put in the necessary two weeks notice with my employer and my husband began the transfer paperwork for his job. We enjoyed nights out with friends to say goodbye and special dinner with family members that we would not be seeing for awhile. It was all very difficult to say goodbye but yet, it didn’t feel like that is what we were doing. It felt to me like we were saying, “see you soon.”
At last moving day was here. We drove over to the truck rental location only to find that the truck was too small. We felt blessed that they had a bigger one on site so it was not too much of a problem. A few friends came over and helped us load the truck. It took seven hours but by 6:30 pm we were on the road to California without any major incidents at all.
After driving down the nearby streets for about thirty minutes we finally got on the highway, and that was where it all began to go wrong. You see, the truck would only go sixty miles per hour. It was slower going uphill of course and our route took us through many hills. What should have been a 9 hour drive ended up being a 23 hour drive. The truck also used much more gas money than what we had anticipated. Finally, however we did arrive safely at our new home in California. The office at the apartments closed at 5:00 pm and we walked in at 4:55 pm so that we could pick up the key. We had no time for a walk-through with the apartment manager. We simple only had time to get the key.
To our surprise and relief the apartment was great. It took two days to empty the truck as we decided to take our time as we were just too tired to push it any further. I called the truck rental company and complained about the slowness of the truck. After finally convincing them that something was wrong with it, (they told me there was no governor on the accelerator) they did give us a partial refund. Another nice surprise in Moving to California is the lack of state income taxes that is taken from your paychecks. North Carolina seems to have many taxes on pretty much everything. California does not have as much but does have toll roads to make up for it. The thing with those however, you don’t have to use them. Switching your driver’s license is pretty easy as well and the cost for getting tags for your vehicle is initially $100.00. Rent is expensive though, so it all evens out. It has been a month now and all seems to be going very well. I will say, however that the next time I plan a move, I will allow more time to save money and hire the best California moving company.
There are a lot of logistics involved in moving long distance. There is finding new housing and getting the children enrolled in school. There is the finding and hiring of the best moving company, getting utilities turned off and turned on, arranging pet care, putting the old house on the market, and holding a garage sale to get rid of all the stuff you don’t want to move. After handling all of that, there was still something that I found to be more important than any of these things: dealing with the emotional strain of moving.
Leaving somewhere that I had called home for some time can be considered a loss, similar on a smaller scale to grieving for a loved one. This was true even when the move was for very positive reasons: a promotion. I was asked to leave Cleveland, Ohio for Austin, Texas. I never expected to go through all of the classic steps of grieving: disbelief, yearning (experiencing a sense of loss), anger, depression, and finally acceptance. Being unexpected, they were not as recognizable as when one suffers the loss of a love one, and the degree of intensity of each stage was probably a lot less, but the stages were there none the less. This progress could of course be expected to appear even more in the case of someone moving from a very stable, establish situation, more so than mine was as a young man. Let’s take a look at each of the stages and how they might apply to someone moving long distance.
The disbelief stage is also referred to as denial or numbness. Think how you might feel when reflecting on little things to which you have become accustomed over a long period of time. Think of the favorite park you might walk or jog through; the best place to get ice cream; the short cuts down side streets to avoid traffic. These are some of the little details that lead to a comfort level with our given surroundings. They are also things that we might not prepare ourselves to live without when we move and therefore not recognize them as a source of numbness when trying to settle in our new home. The denial that these little things are important to us, and not dealing with the loss, might result in our not feeling “at home” in our new surroundings and wondering why we are not more excited about the new opportunities we face.
When we do reflect on and even dwell on the things we leave behind, we may begin to experience the yearning or the sense of loss stage of grief. Especially if one were involved in community activities or had an active social life. Consider having been active in a church, heading fund-raising committees, having regular lunch dates with friends. These are things that are not as easily or readily replaced as having utilities turned on. Jumping right in to your new community will not immediately replace the sense of belonging that one might have developed over time at the old location. Being aware that there is an adjustment period ahead of time will help you begin to make the transition to a new life.
Anger may not be a big part of the grieving process in the move. After all, it was planned and there were good reasons for it. But anger can pop up in little ways, probably when we realize changes we have to make that we didn’t think of ahead of time. Anger, at least irritation, might appear when one has to buy new clothes because of the change of climate. Either having to buy winter boots, hats and gloves for the first time, after spending your whole life in the south might be a shock. Conversely, while we might overall be ecstatic about moving to a warmer climate, the momentary thought that your favorite winter sweater, the one your best friend gave you, is now quite useless, can be a source of aggravation. Or how about the first time I realized that the nearest hobby shop for model car paint was twenty miles from my new home, when there used to be one five minutes away? Making oneself aware ahead of time that these little inconveniences may occur can go a long way to avoid developing a negative attitude toward your new city.
Getting hit with the changes we have discussed up to this point can lead to depression over the move. This may not make sense to us in the face of the positive reasons for the move. A great career move might get off to a slow start because of the energy drain from the depression caused by the move. “This is a great job, why can’t I gear up for it like I did at my old job?”, we might ask. Or in the case of retirement, you might find that you aren’t taking advantage of all the fun things that made you choose the location in the first place, finding yourself sitting around watching television instead of golfing, fishing or hiking.
Of course, being the adaptive human creatures we are, we will eventually deal with and overcome the emotional stresses we face when moving to a completely different location. But being aware that these things might come up and perhaps preparing a game plan to deal with them, can shorten the adjustment period of “grieving” that we may go through. There are a few things that I found helpful upon making my next long distance move:
- Try making a list of all the things that are good about the move, big and small, and keep it handy to review every couple of days after the move.
- Schedule specific activities ahead of time. Set up a tee time for golf before moving. Call a church or synagogue before moving and commit to visiting on a specific day.
- Take a day to “tour the neighborhood”. Make a treasure hunt-type list to find your favorite things, like ice cream shops, movie theaters or antique shops.
- Contact the local Chamber of Commerce. They may already have a “Welcome to Our City” kind of package to introduce locations and activities that make your new location special.
With a little preparation and awareness, you can begin feeling right at home in almost no time.
It has been said that moving house is running a very close second behind divorce in regards to the level of stress it can unleash if your not organized. You really have to look at the move with the view of Murphy’s Law, and for those that aren’t familiar with this old adage, it basically means if something can go wrong, you can bet your sweet nether-parts, it will!
I must have been born with gypsy blood coursing through my veins because a large part of my life has been spent living in exotic locations around the globe, so you could say I have had my fair share of memorable moving experiences. Really I can’t complain that much because I learned through trial and error very early on, that you have to cover all bases so the re-location doesn’t turn into a monumental nightmare.
High on the agenda is finding the right forwarding company to deliver your belongings. If you are crossing borders then you need to know in detail what expenses, such as import duties or any restrictions that may apply to certain items, or extra hidden landing costs that you will be hit with, above and beyond what you have already paid before your goods leave home. Make sure your packing list relating to each box is in order so if customs decide to check what’s inside box number three then it will coincide, minimizing chances of the onslaught of an instant migraine when you realize incorrect paperwork has caused a delay in the clearance and release of your possessions and no-one in their right mind wants to go down that road. Make sure all the freight documents are correct, all your homework is done and your satisfied that the company you are entrusting safe delivery of your precious possessions doesn’t send them to Siberia instead of Singapore for example. This of course applies to re-locating pets as well. Make sure that they have the correct immunization shots including necessary validated documentation for transport and see a vet prior to departure as they can give you tips on how to ensure that “Fido” or “Snuggles” arrives safely and does not have to stay in quarantine for six months through an oversight.
On the home front it really starts with the wardrobe. You need to let your head rule your heart, not vis-a-vis. The words “ruthless” and “simplify”, come to mind. If you haven’t worn a particular item of clothing for a year or more, then now is the time to give it a kiss and part company. Moving long distances can be an expensive exercise, so you can turn your cast-offs into cash and what’s left over can be donated to charity, so everyone is a winner. Organize a “Garage Sale”. It’s an excellent way to off-load a variety of household items. Then once you have lightened the load you will be able to get a clearer picture of the financial logistics of the move i.e. air, land or sea options.
Equally important is finalizing electricity, telephone bills and cut off dates or any other financial commitments you have so there is a clean slate and not “just another thing you forgot to do prior to leaving”. You might say that this is an obvious thing to do but when your snowed under and time is running out it is easy to forget. This is why I’m an advocate of “To Do Lists”. There is always so much going on when anyone re-locates, and if you have something to refer to, then your less likely to forget something important, remembering only when your in transit or more aptly put, after the horse has bolted.
Find out as much as you can about where you will be living. Knowledge is power and most places on earth can be Googled so you can literally get a birds eye view of your new abode if you haven’t had the opportunity to do a reccy prior to making the move. While I have found that most countries in Europe and Asia will accept an existing driver’s license from most nationalities, this does not apply to everyone however, so I am a big fan of getting the extra endorsement of an International Driver’s License which is usually valid for a year. Then if you do get pulled over, it can be the trump card in having a nice day instead of digging deep into your pocket by having to pay a hefty on the spot fine or bribe, depending on what country your in of course, usually for some misdemeanor as stopping your vehicle on the yellow line instead of the white.
No matter where we are in the world, most places nowadays have the technology which allows us to keep in touch with family and friends far and wide. Phone cards in foreign countries are relatively cheap and there is nothing more comforting than hearing the voice of someone you love. Also there are so many airlines offering cheap flights to most destinations so visits can be a reality and at one stage we had friends who actually arrived in Malaysia for a visit one week before we did! I have always found that if the door is always open for family and friends to visit then saying goodbye is not such a daunting thing.
If you are moving interstate in your own country make sure if you are about to embark on a long haul drive, start your journey re-freshed and not fatigued. Remember Murphy’s Law!